Wings Go Into Game 5 Winning Series 3-1

Four games into the Stanley Cup Finals the Detroit Red Wings lead the Pittsburgh Penguins 3 games to 1 in the best of 7 series. Detroit started the series off by posting back-to-back shutouts at home, winning games one and two with scores of 4-0 and 3-0, respectively. In game 2 the Penguins were noticeably frustrated, as they resorted to cheap shots on the Wings’ star players, including Henrik Zetterberg and Johan Franzen. These attacks were reciprocated by an unlikely person; star forward Pavel Datsyuk, who is also a ninja in the off-season. After his linemate, Zetterberg, was the recipient of a late hit from Ryan Malone after a play ended, Datsyuk teleported himself over there and started pummeling Malone. Johan Franzen, who had just returned to the lineup after missing six games with headaches and concussion-like symptoms, was punched in the head by Penguins veteran Gary Roberts. Then, with just over a minute remaining in the game, Petr Sykora ran into Wings goalie Chris Osgood. Then I’m pretty sure Sykora threatened to kill Osgood’s dog and then eat his children. In the scrum that followed, Datsyuk got revenge for Franzen by beating Roberts into submission. But after completely dominating at home, the Wings were headed to Pittsburgh, where the Penguins have been impeccable.

The Penguins bounced back in game 3, narrowly defeating Detroit 3-2, but after that game it wasn’t just the players that were surprised by Detroit’s speed. Several Pittsburgh cameramen were left confused, and some injured, after game 3. During games broadcast on NBC, they occasionally mention, between Edge Shave Gel advertisements, that they have Iso-Cams that you can watch on their website. These cameras follow around the star players while they are on the ice. During game three, they had a dedicated camera following Henrik Zetterberg and Pavel Datsyuk for Detroit, and Sidney Crosby and Evgeni Malkin for Pittsburgh. Steven Porter, 37-year-old Pittsburgh native, was the unfortunate soul that was chosen to follow Datsyuk. Porter has been a professional cameraman for a decade and a half, but said he had never encountered anything like Datsyuk.

“It was really weird,” said Porter, dressed in a standard issue hospital gown. “Things were going well for me that day. My wife made me a nice breakfast. We had intercourse before the kids got home from school. But then the game started.”

Porter was experienced with NBC’s Iso-Cam, having done it for previous Pittsburgh home games throughout the playoffs. “It was always really simple. Just follow the player around the ice and then when he’s on the bench, follow a different guy until your guy comes back on. But that Pavel guy, I didn’t know what to do. I’d be following him and then he’d seemingly just disappear out of frame. A few times I swear I saw him throw something, and then there’d be a flash of light and a little puff of smoke, and then he’d be gone. I’d look all around and he’d somehow be on the complete opposite side of the ice. I didn’t know what was happening.”

During the first intermission Porter tried to calm himself down by doing some breathing exercises and drinking a few cups of water. He talked to Chris Dulsen, the person in charge of the broadcast, and told him that he thought there was something wrong with his camera.

“He was really frantic,” said Dulsen. “He was talking really fast, seemed really nervous, looked like his hand was shaking a little bit. Kept saying stuff about smoke and flashes of light on the ice, and this guy kept teleporting or time-traveling or something. I was kind of concerned.”

Porter’s camera was replaced for the second period and he returned to his post, confident that it was the camera that was causing the issues. But unfortunately, that wouldn’t be the end of his problems.

“They were warming up a bit before the second period started and I was just watching this guy skate around,” continued Porter. “That was when I started to get really paranoid. I mean, I’m sitting here watching this guy, but it felt like someone was watching me. I mean, this is the NHL, nobody was even watching my camera online, let alone watching me. And then I just felt really terrified.”

Porter tried to rationalize the situation and managed to calm himself down a bit a few minutes into the second period. However, things took a turn for the worse for him shortly after when Datsyuk stole the puck at neutral ice and then gained the offensive zone.

“I couldn’t cope,” said Porter. “He was all over the place, completely sporadic. I saw him weaving in and out of guys, I’d lose him for a second, then I’d think I had him again, but it was always someone else, then I would look at the ice and he would be way over somewhere else. And that’s when he looked at me.”

Porter claims that Datsyuk was attempting to deke around at least three opposing players, but then stop and looked directly at him. Porter described Datsyuk’s eyes as “a black and devoid nebulous.” Porter then fainted and was unconscious for a short time. When he woke he was rushed to St. Francis Central Hospital. Witnesses described Porter as “possessed” and said that he “was rambling in foreign tongue.” At the hospital he was administered chlorpromazine, a drug used to treat schizophrenia, and then became unconscious again shortly thereafter. When he woke he did not know where he was or how he got there, but his recollection of the incident has been returning.

“When I looked into his eyes and fainted… I saw… things. They were… it was just… unimaginable horror…”

At that point in the interview he began weeping and exited the room. Porter is still being held at the hospital for psychiatric evaluation. The fifth, and likely final, game of the series is tonight at 8 P.M.